Science: A new element has been discovered!
It’s called Governmentium:
“A new element has been discovered, it consists of one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, held together by forces called morons.”
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons…
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete…
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 5 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical level of concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.”
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