Virgin, Google to put human settlement on Mars

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We are finally able to go to the final frontier. Sir Richard Branson, President and Founder of the Virgin Group announced the establishment of Virgle, a joint venture between Virgin and Google to put the first human settlement on Mars.

Today Sir Richard Branson and Google announced that they have established a joint-venture to put human settlements on Mars. Virgle, the perfectly crazy name for such a company, was launched today on Google’s official blog. It has been said that today’s technology is actually advanced enough for humans to be put on the red planet, let alone the Moon. The moon is boring. But Mars is cool. Remember Schwarzenegger in Total Recall? I don’t, not most of it. Because it was such a crappy film. But I do remember the kickass scene where he pulls some scanner the size of a basket ball out of his nose! I digress..

Dicky hopes that in “the years to come” Virgle will be sending spaceships to Mars in order for the settlers, or Virgle Pioneers and that Beardy himself will be part of it. Let’s hope he’s also the president! Now that we great, won’t it. What we also need is to have Jeremy Clarkson there as Chief advisor to the president.

Applications are now open for people to become part of this colony. It is by no means an easy task, though. You have to be extremely fit and according to what information I was able to gather, you also have to like algae (there’s not much food there, you know). You also have to be extremely worthy of joining this elite group of multi-talented entourage. For example, the test asks that you are a world-class expert on Physics, first aid and medicine, engineering, and even Guitar Hero II. Of course, when you go to such a desolate planet, apart from putting in the infrastructure, entertainment is extremely important – pivotal, even – to keep the pioneering settlers sane and therefore make the success a mission. I mean, the mission a success.

There are downsides to this though. For example, due to the lack of gravity, telecommunications are severely hampered so if you were in trouble e.g. you were hit by a nitrohydrogen storm, then emailing Virgle Settler Support Centr, or the VSS Centre, would be not much of a help since it takes 20 minutes for an email to get from point A to B. By the time the Support assistance engineers reply, it would have been at least 42 minutes before you get a reply. By that time, it would be safe to say that you have either frozen and turned into space dust, or that you have nothing left on you but your skeleton. It’s simple; keep sight-seeing to a minimal and pay attention to all warning signals as they flash neon on the Virgle Base 1 (pictured below), where Richard and Jeremy sit.

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In your five month journey from Earth to Mars, you will have everything you need to lead as normal a life as possible. Aboard the space ship (pictured below) that is currently still unnamed, “supercomputers perform most ship and life maintenance tasks, up to and including games, movies and other forms of trivially simplistic human entertainment”. In the basement is where the kitchen is. There will find “organisms from algae and bacteria to higher plants like wheat, soybeans, lettuce, potatoes, cabbage, chard and carrot, all genetically altered for resistance to viruses and increased soil iron and aluminum content”. Apart from that, you can sleep (there’ll be lots of it, I guarantee you that) safe in the knowledge that your entire journey will be radiation-less, thanks to the unique patented “carbon reinforced polyethylene inner shells and the placement of water and other hydrogen-rich consumables on the outside” that “protects both the human crew and bio cargo from potentially damaging radiation.”

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Below is an artist’s impression of what Virgle City (probably a temporary surrogate name) would look like in 2108, if all goes to plan. It’s a shame that we won’t be able to see it, but you never know. Since technology is so advanced now and seeing how much money both Virgin and Google have put into this project, perhaps life-enhancing and life-elongating surgeries may be invented before we die.

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Learn more about this exciting prospect at Channel Virgle on YouTube.

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  1. Glen

    If you take the world famous Virgin logo and turn it slighty to the left so that where the underline and tail of the g form an X,you’ll also notice the V forms a slightly hidden S and the i,r and part of the g form a broken capital E,spelling the word SEX. So you have Sex/Virgin in one word.
    Very subliminally clever Mr.Branson.

  2. M

    Brilliant insight Glen. Can I have some of what you’re having? :)




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