Posts Tagged ‘sex’

I cannot believe what I saw just now.

Reading an authoritative publication marketing, I came across this:



Amuse friends

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What do you get when you cross watermelons, sex, eggs and lawsuits? You get to today’s Daily Waffle!


Spread the weekend fun!

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51bf.jpgLast week a man from the Japanese city of Fukuoka (that Foo-coo-oh-ka, folks) was caught stealing this woman’s boots from a dressing room of a sports club, which are usually left outside the lockers as they are too big to fit inside.

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450470110_a6dfe48518.jpgWanked Furiously.

Married.

Furious no more.

– John Heppolette

photo by fonecamshaz

sharing is good
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Math of love. And sex

You add the bed… subtract the clothes… divide the legs…
leave your solution… and pray you don’t multiply!

They undermine men by saying that all we’re ever interested in is sex, and particularly during Valentines’ Day. Apparently, we only want our partners to wear skimpy, uncomfortable lingerie that exposes most parts and leave nothing to the imagination. As if sex games and dirty thoughts are what dominate our minds.

What happened to the romance and the cuddling and the long talks and laying in bed or hours and not having an erotic activity happening?

Watch this ad and you will see what I mean.

The tag line is so dirty! GIVE HIM WOOD?! I reiterate; it’s dirty, it’s derogatory, it’s glammed up and shameless. The ad itself…stockings, silk, lace, peek-a-boos, high heels, pouting……………..Like I said, Ann Summers is about nothing but glammed up, immoral, dirty, shameless sex and that’s … HOT! AND THAT’S WHY I LOVE IT!

picture-1.png

photo by mebabyjd

I do notice that this topic is somewhat outdated, but I thought I’d share with you a new insight. Or a revelation. You see, it’s a scandal.

New year resolutions never work. The reason for it is simple – New Year’s Resolutions are boring and mindless. There’s almost nothing worse than trying to fulfill a resolution, except perhaps being an environmentalist. Or a vegan. They simply never work because they are no fun at all! We make plans to have fun, not to bore ourselves to death. Like planning for a holiday, or planning to get rich – these are planning, they usually have a positive and fun outcome. But resolution, end in pain, suffering, anxiety, arguments and death.

Take someone whose resolution is to quit smoking. First of all; why? I recently cut down because of the astronomical price I have to pay. Death has nothing to do with it. But my god is it boring, I find myself chewing more gun, eating more snacks, and getting fat. My manager once parted with his supreme knowledge: “If you get the munchies when you try to quit, eat celery or carrot sticks.”

I’d rather eat glass.

I digress. Going back to the subject of boring resolutions, here’s a tip for those of you who have yet to make one and still want to: make it a fun one! For example:

1. My resolution is to learn to drive a £100,000+ car (To reduce mundaneness, also think of other criteria e.g. over 500 bhp, acceleration under 4 secs etc)

2. My resolution is to list the 10 best wines I can buy for under £7.50 (To add fun, change 10 to 100. Or 1,000)

3. My resolution is to discover the maximum amount of time a man can masturbate before going blind

4. My resolution is to find out how many times intercourse will happen before a dose of 4 Viagra runs out

5. My resolution is to find the perfect place to retire (the post header images are there for a reason, you know)

With these resolutions, I bet you will have lots of fun, and hopefully will never have to ask the question “How can I achieve my New Year’s Resolution?” ever again.

Apart from uni work, I’ve spent almost half a day yesterday and today to try and figure out this WordPress. It works very differently form Bl*gger and I getting things running while trying to become familiar with the settings is really difficult. Not knowing web-programming really sucks. See, we make fun of geeks and their tech-y talk but deep down inside we all want to be a geek so we don’t look like a cock when our hi-fi or 50in. plasma screen stops working, or when your blog or website looks like an elephant’s diarrhea. Plus, for some reason or another, these geeks usually can afford all the latest hardware! Haven’t you ever wondered where their money comes from? Do companies put them in ultra-top-secret extra-terrestrial projects and pay them so well so that they’d shush? Is that why they speak a different language to us? Some say that because they can’t get laid they spend every penny on their equipment. And cyber-sex. But clearly this is not so as I have a friend who is – how shall I put this as not to offend him – very tech-savvy, seems to be the life of the party most weekends and can drink like a camel! Some of his previous lady companions have also spread around something which has something to do with him being hung like…I can’t remember what animal they used, but it was wild. So was the thing being referenced to. Have you seen that The Creep video by Fedde le Grand and Camille Jones? Click on the Y*uTube below if you haven’t. I believe that those ladies are specimens of the elusive female geek genus. Very intelligent, very sexy, very irresistible and definitely very insatiable. That’s why you don’t see many around. They’re usually always behind closed doors. And also out in the open, but in the dark! So in my next life I want to be born a eccentric, partying, drinking GEEK GOD with animalistic sexual appetite. With the girth to go with that. And I shall speak like that 1…0…..10…..01….100…..1….01…..1…..

I salute you, geeks!