Posts Tagged ‘blogging’

It took me a while to realise this, but I have only discovered that blogging need not be as time-consuming as it was for me. I enjoy posting things up because, looking at my stats, I know that the few people who do read my blog actually enjoy the variety of stuff I post and regularly click on the links that I post.

So this is a new addition to TWOM. Interesting stuff I read on over the internet will be re-iterated as is, complete with the link. That way, my dear readers can still count on me for interesting mish mash from around the double-u double-u, double-u and I can still be lazy have a life.

Here’s the first ever Daily Waffle. Links open in new window


Enjoy promiscuously

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“Friends don’t let friends play with giant squid”

Rapidcoaster

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photo by joshhoffman

I regularly visit several copywriting and general writing blogs. Commenting one of the entries, I thought I’d turn into an entry too, since I see it as being of some use to some of my friends as well as the general public.

Pretty much all of us use Microsoft Word, right? And probably lots of you depend on it completely, right? Many of you also know that despite the fact that it is not 100% reliable, you rely on it almost 100%, right?

Now, the problem with Word is that although it’s a very powerful tool, it’s not very smart. It’s like a contestant from the World’s Strongest Man – very handy when you need to do some power lifting, but when it comes to anything intelligent remotely related to lifting, they’re about as smart as a cactus.

The new Office has been launched. From my expert testing and benchmarking* I can conclude that it is faster, and stronger, somewhat prettier, but still as stupid. Here’s an example. We all use autocorrect, yes? So we know what it is. I typed (something along the lines of):

“They’re hairy monsters from the planet Zargos”

Word asked me if I actually meant “Their hairy monsters from planet Zargos?”

To clear my doubts, s a blogmate of mine told me, “their” and “they’re” are not interchangeable in the US. So then why are there so many people using it that way? I suspect they trusted Word too much.

Here’s a tip: if you have words that you use often but can never spell them properly, this is how you train yourself.

When you type it on Word and the dreaded red line comes up, do not right click! No matter how time pressed you are, don’t do it. On a sheet of paper (you know, those things that you use a pen *gasp* to write on?), try and spell the word out, spelling it out aloud, even! Then type it into Word. Repeat until you get the right spelling. Do this several times and you will remember it.

We are the last generation to have grown up with pen and paper. And be reverting back to our childhood learning techniques, we will better ourselves and rid ourselves of the need to rely on computers to “speak” on our behalf. God knows how the kids these days will learn. Their methods and probably even the way they think is different. They are the internet generation.

Having said that, I will from now on regularly write about tips on improving your learning style. I’ve got a few tips and tricks that I know you will benefit from. And I’m always on the lookout for new ones. So come back often and pretty soon you’ll find a whole section dedicated to learning

 10 Practical Tips for Writing in English

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There, I did it. The last time that I’m ever going to swear. EVER….. (on this blog)… Basically, no. I do not believe that a person can die without ever swearing even once throughout his/her life. I do not believe that the pope has never swore in his life. Under his fancy hat, under his breath, in the confines of his room (whatever they call that room), I’m sure he has, at least once, said “****!”. Or when one of the last popes got shot, I bet his last words were “****, the bastard got me.” Or when they uncovered the sex scandals. I do not believe the Queen does not swear. In other words, every sane person swears.

In all my years as a blogger – yep, all 0.6 years of it – I have thought about what I want to do about my blog. I could make money off it by putting porn on it. I’m sure some of my closest friends would be my best customers (you know who you are). Or I thought of making one of that million pixel website, where the guy, on a genius trip, sold every single pixel on his screen for a buck each. Guess how much he made? Hint: A million bucks! I thought that was one of the best success stories for the web. I’d like to see him top that one. I also thought of several other things, but I’m not going to list them here. This is because a) I might do it later so I don’t want them to be hijacked and b) Speaking to some people about some of the plans I had, they’ve described them as ****in’ insane so they don’t belong here (or do they?). So right now, it’s a personal blog thing. But I am in the midst of setting up a semi-pro and another completely pro blog. And I’ve learned that one of the rules of pro blogging is no swearing. So I’ve set my values for all my blogs and one of them is “No swearing”. The principle is: “Wanna Pro Blog? Gotta Pro Talk”.

But that’s cool. Because I can – and will – still swear in real life. As all my friends will vouch, I love swearing as much as dogs love licking their own nether areas. I don’t think there has ever been a day when I did not swear. Although in a not-so-casual sort of conversation, it does show a lack of vocabulary competence, when it’s a casual chat, let the FUCKs fly! It’s so simple and powerful, that just one word in any sentence drives your message home! Here are scenarios when I might drop the F-Bomb:

When something drives me up the wall: FUCK!

When something bad happens: Oh FUCK!

When I hear an unbelievable story: FUCK no!

When I hear something really wonderful: FUCK yeah!

When I completely agree whole-heartedly: Abso-FUCKin-lutely!

When a friend’s in trouble: You are so FUCKed!

When a friend’s in multiple trouble: You are cluster-FUCKed

When the other half calls my full name: Oh I’m FUCKed

When shocked: What the FUCK?

When I’m truly chilled: I’m going to do FUCK all

When incomprehensible: FUCK off

When I walk into a church: Jesus FUCKing Christ

After watching an arty-farty film: What a headFUCK

Of course, these are just examples and if you really want to improve your Fucklish, you should watch this video.

And throughout history, there have been many people who were heard using this exquisite word, and here are some of them. I did not make them up and they have been quoted using various sources around the internet that I have collected over the years. In other words, you’re reading something I’ve ripped off.

“What the fuck was that?”
– Mayor of Hiroshima

“Where the fuck is all this water coming from?”
– Captain of the Titanic

“That’s not a real fucking gun.”
– John Lennon

“Who’s gonna fucking find out?”
– Richard Nixon

“Any fucking idiot could understand that.”
– Albert Einstein

“It does so fucking look like her!”
– Picasso

“How the fuck did you work that out?”
– Pythagoras

“You want what on the fucking ceiling?”
– Michaelangelo

“Fuck the duck.”
– Walt Disney

“I don’t suppose its gonna fucking rain?”
– Joan of Arc

“Scattered fucking showers my ass.”
– Noah

N.B. Of course, I do realise I am going to burn in Hell for this post. Either that or I’m going to offend half the world’s population. Assuming I have that many readers. Oh, wait….no, I’m safe!

Okay, maybe the title of this entry wasn’t very convincing, but you will agree after reading this post. You’ll see the logic. First of all, it’s very hard to get people to visit your blog. Why? There are tonnes of blogs out there that are more interesting than reading about how you broke your fingernail or you woke up last night in front of the bin outside the home of a Thai ladyboy. There are also lots of other things to do on the internet like downloading pornographic images. I don’t even know if people are reading my blog. However, there’s a clear reason why. I am neither a geek nor a babe. Yep, I don’t know so much about something I could charge USD300 for a book I wrote on the loo on the train to Eastern Europe for a “fun weekend” and neither am I so hot that even with my clothes on I can fog up windscreens in summer. You can either be butt ugly but terribly good at oh I don’t know – application of quantum physics in a wok. Or you can be so breathtakingly good-looking (of course, this is subjective), people would pay you to kick them in the te$ticles. Or you can be Natalie Portman. If you are either one of the previously mentioned, traffic could come to your website pretty easily and making money for you. If you are the third option, my number is…