Posts Tagged ‘new year’
photo by mebabyjd
I do notice that this topic is somewhat outdated, but I thought I’d share with you a new insight. Or a revelation. You see, it’s a scandal.
New year resolutions never work. The reason for it is simple – New Year’s Resolutions are boring and mindless. There’s almost nothing worse than trying to fulfill a resolution, except perhaps being an environmentalist. Or a vegan. They simply never work because they are no fun at all! We make plans to have fun, not to bore ourselves to death. Like planning for a holiday, or planning to get rich – these are planning, they usually have a positive and fun outcome. But resolution, end in pain, suffering, anxiety, arguments and death.
Take someone whose resolution is to quit smoking. First of all; why? I recently cut down because of the astronomical price I have to pay. Death has nothing to do with it. But my god is it boring, I find myself chewing more gun, eating more snacks, and getting fat. My manager once parted with his supreme knowledge: “If you get the munchies when you try to quit, eat celery or carrot sticks.”
I’d rather eat glass.
I digress. Going back to the subject of boring resolutions, here’s a tip for those of you who have yet to make one and still want to: make it a fun one! For example:
1. My resolution is to learn to drive a £100,000+ car (To reduce mundaneness, also think of other criteria e.g. over 500 bhp, acceleration under 4 secs etc)
2. My resolution is to list the 10 best wines I can buy for under £7.50 (To add fun, change 10 to 100. Or 1,000)
3. My resolution is to discover the maximum amount of time a man can masturbate before going blind
4. My resolution is to find out how many times intercourse will happen before a dose of 4 Viagra runs out
5. My resolution is to find the perfect place to retire (the post header images are there for a reason, you know)
With these resolutions, I bet you will have lots of fun, and hopefully will never have to ask the question “How can I achieve my New Year’s Resolution?” ever again.
I’m sure I’m not alone when I write ’07 instead of ’08. I always do it. January is always the month where instead of the writing the new year, I write the previous. I have lost many cheques and confused many people this way – mostly myself. Funnily enough, I also have friends who when they marry, still refer to their partners as boyfriend or girlfriend. It usually takes a while before they say “husband” or “wife”. Well, if we all called our other half “partner” then problem solved. But we don’t. Actually quite often I do refer to Shirley as my partner. Just makes things simpler. So why is change so difficult to adjust to? I don’t really intend to answer that question. It’s just rhetoric. But comments are welcome. Oh and by the way, I have decided to keep my posts short, but increase the frequency. Let’s see if I can keep up.